This is my first post, so please be nice. If you don't I'll set Silverwind on you, he has a part time job scaring rottweilers!
Anguished English
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  In a Tokyo Hotel:  Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please.  If
  you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notice.
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  In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for
  wishing floor.  If the cabin should enter more persons, each one
  should press a number of wishing floor.  Driving is then going
  alphabetically by national order.
  In a hotel in Athens:  Visitors are expected to complain at the
  office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
  In a Japanese hotel:  You are invited to take advantage of the
  chambermaid.
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  In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
  monastary:  You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous       Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
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  In a Rhodes tailor shop:  Order your summers suit.  Because is big
  rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
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  In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.           Â
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  In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:  Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
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  In a Rome laundry:  Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the
  afternoon having a good time.
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  Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:  Would you like to ride on your own ass?
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  In the window of a Swedish furrier:  Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
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  Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.
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  In a Swiss mountain inn:  Special today -- no ice cream.
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  In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:  We take your bags and send
  them in all directions.
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  In the office of a Roman doctor:  Specialist in women and other
  diseases.
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  In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the
  water served here.
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  From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:  When passenger of
  foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.  Trumpet him melodiously at
  first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with
  vigor.
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  In a French chalet:  In case of fire, please ejaculate the premises.
  Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
  - English well talking.
  - Here speeching American.
  In Florida maternity ward:  No children allowed.
  In a toy department:  Five Santa Clauses,no waiting.
  In a window of a general store:  Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come right here?
  In a Maine restaurant:  Open 7 days a week and weekends.
  In a New Jersey Restaurant:  Open 11 AM to 11 PM Midnight.
  In a Pennsylvania cemetery:  Persons are prohibited from picking
flowers from any but their own graves....
  On the  grounds of a private school:  No tresspassing without permission.
   Abraham Lincon's Mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabbin which he built with his own hands.
   Pompeii was destroyed due to an overflow of saliva by the Vatican.
      The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many men died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.
Thanks for reading!
Jinx
