Clients From Hell

[Silverwind]

Absolutely hilarious graphic design blog: http://clientsfromhell.tumblr.com/

The last one made me fall of the chair!

EDIT:

Oh Lordy, I was almost physically sick laughing at some of those. My favourites:

That other website is stealing our business. Can you make it so that when someone types in their address they come to our site?

Can you take this photo of me and my baby and rotate the baby so you can see more of his face?

Above all, when you redesign the website, I don’t want any HTML in it. I’m tired of dealing with all the hassles of HTML.

Can you include a splash intro animation that turns the screen into a mirror so they can see themselves? We really want to push the metaphor.

Client: “Can you click the picture?”

Me: “No. What do you want it to do? Enlarge?”

Client: “No, I just want to click it.”

Me: “But when you click it, what do you want to happen?”

Client: “I just want to be able to click it.”

And the cake winner:

Me: “So what’s your budget?”

Client: “Well we are well known amongst all the Russian billionaires so there is great potential for you to get your name out there by doing this project for free. Also I am a direct descendant of Genghis Khan.”

[WarHampster]

I love the last one xD

[Silverwind]

Hehe... yeah, me too. Here's a few more I really like:

Text from a client at 7 PM on a Sunday night: “I have to run downtown just now to pick something up.  Will you come with me to keep me company.”

We’d like to illustrate the power of our new product in the PowerPoint presentation. So we’d like to have a man in a business suit flying through the air with a cape, but we want the cape to be a screenshot of our website

When the user logs in I want there to be an animation of a bank safe opening. That way the user knows that they can trust us.

It’s perfect! Just one thing. We have that contact form on Contact Us page, I want you to remove that and give our email address instead. And make it into a riddle so they have to solve it to get the email. We want to ‘engage’ our visitors.

After finishing a project with a lot of text,

“Just Center Everything.”

And possibly the best:

Client: “We like the green, but it’s just a little too green. Can you use our green?”

Me: “That is your green.”

Client: “Oh, well it looks more limey. We want it more like our green.”

Me: “The limey green is your green. It is exactly what is used on your logo type.”

Client: “Oh, okay, well then can you change it by one?”

Me: “One what? Do you want it lighter, or darker?”

Client: “No, just change it by one.”

Me: “I don’t understand what ‘change it by one’ means. I can make it lighter, darker, more yellow, more cyan… But when I change it, it’s not going to be the same as your corporate green.”

Client: “Okay, well let’s just change it by one and have a look.”

[Jinxycat]

Haha! They're great, so many people offered other stuff instead of paying him money. I think I counted five that said they'd mow his lawn and even one who offered cocaine! Here's some of my favorites:

Client: “The blue isn’t right.”

Me: “What PMS color are we trying to match?”

Client: “Oh, you know, the color of the Texas sky around daybreak.”

Client: “[Indian outsourcer] says he can do this site for $200.  Why should I go with you?”

Me: “Has he done any work for you in the past?”

Client: Yeah!  He did [Other Site] for me.

[I load the other site]

Me: “The entire site’s done in Flash.”

Client: “Huh?”

Me: “It’s a site for iPhone users.”

Client: “I know.  Cool, huh?”

Me: “It’s a site for iPhone users… none of whom can see it…”

Client: “Huh?”

Me: “The iPhone doesn’t support Flash.”

Client: “Well it looks fine on my PC!”

Me: “Do you have an iPhone?”

Client: “No.”

Me: “…”

Client: “Tell you what, I’m just gonna go with [Indian outsourcer].  He seems like he knows what he’s doing and I’m not sure you do.”

Me: “Have fun.”

Client: “We need our ad to look exactly like the ads from Seattle (a different store’s ad by a different company).”

Me: “Well, I can’t just steal their ad.”

Client: “[Cutting me off] No. Yes we can, I have permission from on high to use their ad. It’s OK.”

Me: “OK, permission from whom?”

Client: “My boss said that it’s ok.”

Me: “But your boss doesn’t hold the copyright on that ad…”

Client: “He doesn’t need to, he said it’s ok.”

Me: “…”

Client [A California law firm]: “For the home page we’d like a photo of San Francisco. Lots of tall buildings, and it has to include the Golden Gate bridge.”

Me: “Sure, I can do that … but your offices aren’t in San Francisco.”

Client: “No, but we want people to think we are. It creates trust.”

"We don’t like the look of our phone number. Can you put a different phone number on the business cards, one that looks better but still have calls come through to the old one?"

"Once I get out on parole, we can really get this thing off the ground."

"The woman in this photo is perfect, but she needs to be disabled. Can you photoshop her so she only has one arm?"