This is actually interesting and compleatly deviant from most if the stuff I post.
So this is a story of a book...
But I will start with why it means so much in my life.
Thoes of you who know me know that my morality swings between moral skepticism and practical deontology (a mix of deontological and utilitarian ideals) my moral system is so jumbled mainly because of my half belief in god. As with everything I take a highly philosophacle view as to whether or not god exists. I reached a similar crossroads that Kierkegaard reached in his life (except not as dramatic) and find myself accepting his reasoning of why we as humans can believe in god without substantial 100% evidence. He was considered the father of existentialism, the philosophacle belief that we don't know evererything and soon logic will be replaced with something the same way magic was replaced by logic, so there is no use "locking ourselves in an iron cage of logic".
Essentially I believe God exists because he could exist (why? See Teleology)
Anyways way do I give a flying hoot about existentialism? Why live my life with maybeys, why not just throw it out the same way I throw out the idea of morality?
Personal experience
Rewind to 2010 I played an experimental flash game by Gregory Weir, called 'Silent Conversation' here your character moves over the words in lines from books and in the process reading it slowly and in a format similar to gamification. In there he had H.P lovecraft's 'The Lost City'. I immediately fell in love with the language and his romantic style. And later that year compleatly by chance I grabbed the Necronomicon from in a shelf in a library.
http://ludusnovus.net/my-games/silent-conversation/Thoes of you who don't know what the Necronomicon is, it is a fictional book written by the mad Arab Abdul Alhazrad Lovecraft cites repeatedly throughout his works. For more information
http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/NecronomiconIf your asking yourself how I picked up an imaginary book then your probobly paying attention. A few authors since 1920 (when Lovecraft first cited it) have made Necronomicons claiming they're real translations from the 8th century and have magickal properties.
Now the crazy thing is is that the book I picked up was so realistic and heart-wrenching detailed I actually put it down because I thought I was reading something truly demonic. The one I picked up was written in the same style that Lovecraft wrote in and I immediately identified that, which is why I brought it home in the first place. I don't accurately remember when I found out that this book was connected to H.P. Lovecraft, it either mentioned him in the foreword or I only found out in 2012 when I got a compendium of all his works. (I didn't know the connection immediay because the book was not written by Lovecraft so has a different authors name on the cover)
So recently I was questioning god and whether or not he existed as a kid I believed devoutly as a Roman Catholic but soon became dissenchanted some time in middle school. Only now with my new love of philosophy did I question this again. Now my belife in god is more Transcendental-based and I only believe in organized religion as far as the sense of community goes. (I don't allow anyone values to infringe on my autonomous self and personal identity, so since organized religion lays out a list of values you must accept I reject that and instead accept my own formulated hypothesis derived from reason, see Transcendentalism; Henry David Thoreau.)
Anyways when I was doing all this sole searching I thought about how I read Lovecraft and then Stumbled on the Necronomicon later. Knowing existential philosophy now this experience really linked to my belife in that philosophy
And since this (ironically demonic) book was truly the key to finding God again I was consumed for a need to find it and for the past two weeks I've been scouring the Internet until I finnally found it.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0738706272I wrote this at 11 on an iPod after studying for 5hours for exams. Please excuse my grammar.
