The BRITISH are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, however, security levels may have to be raised again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the Blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of London in 1666.
The FRENCH government also announced yesterday that it had raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate". This latest rise was precipitated by a fire that destroyed France's White Flag factory effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
In addition to the British and the French, ITALY has increased its alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".
The GERMANS have also increased their alert status from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They too have two higher levels "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
BELGIANS on the other hand are all on holiday as usual and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
Finally the SPANISH are very excited, as their new submarines are ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so that the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
